Toronto, ON: After putting down his complimentary latte and wiping his chocolate-stained hands on a nearby intern, philosophy department head Peter Simcoe grabbed the microphone and proceeded to announce his department's "monumental" 'co-op' partnership with Aroma Espresso Bar, a Toronto-based cafe chain.
"The job market is fierce. It's competitive. In fact, it's about as bloodthirsty and mean as Jeremy Bentham's searing critique of the American Declaration's unconvincing invocation of natural law to justify their sovereignty," said Simcoe, referencing the founder of modern utilitarianism, drawing huge laughs from the philosopher-dominated crowd. "We know that this opportunity will prepare our undergraduates for post-university life, and we're distinctly proud of that."
Aroma representatives were at the press conference, and had nothing but good to say about other philosophers-turned-baristas. "They constitute 60% of our workforce. It's just unbelievable. Their passion for coffee is second to none."
Students can begin applying in June, 2018 for year-long co-ops around the St. George Campus.