- Nona Jalali
4th Year Engineering Students Forget How to Read
After gruelling through four years of purely science-based courses, the entire class of 4th year engineering students has effectively become illiterate. Evident in the spelling of the UofT Engineering Society (‘SKULE’ as opposed to the correct, ‘school’), engineers’ brains have omitted even the most basic words from their written lexicon. Although the department was well aware of the student’s trouble reading social cues, most administrators were not expecting this gifted bunch to lose the ability to read written language.
English student Trevor Lancaster has proof of his engineering friend’s mental decline, in their former daily conversations: “Yeah, he just started texting me really weird shapes one day. Turns out he was trying to use pictographs to draw out what he meant. We don’t talk anymore. On top of that, the UofT subreddit has essentially gone dark, which is pretty much their biggest and only notably achievement.”
Even worse than these dissolving friendships, is the miscommunication between engineering students and the faculty of engineering. Professors are being forced to type out exams in Wingdings, objectively the worst font ever designed. As a result, exam questions are being interpreted too broadly between students, causing a grading catastrophe.
“Students are starting to fail exams simply because they can’t read test questions,” says Michael Trembley, Professor of Mechanical Engineering. “The grading scheme has essentially been thrown out the window. I know we’ve made them cry over tests before… but this one’s on them. Read a goddamn stop sign or something, don’t blame this on the curriculum.”
The Boundary reached out to the engineering students for comment, but our staff was unable to translate the series of unintelligible responses.