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  • Kyle Brickman

Electricity Deemed a Non–Essential School Service


While the education finance reforms set forth by the provincial government have been met with resistance from the student body, nobody expected Ford to go this far.

The blackout which swept across the University of Toronto campus yesterday is just a taste of what is to come in the wake of the newly–introduced Student Choice Initiative. Although one might think that the right to electricity would certainly constitute an essential service, the Ford government appears to be dead set on lowering tuition fees –– no matter the cost.

Students are now dealing with the repercussions that come with failing to read the fine print of their opt-out conditions. “I just thought I was opting out of funding for the Toike Oike that leftist rag The Varsity, I had no idea that it also meant I wouldn’t be able to charge my Juul in res” said First Year Student Spencer King. “Do you understand what kind of data charges I’m gonna have to deal with when all my FaceTime calls aren’t through wifi?!”

Some of the University administration are less concerned, choosing to view the blackouts as an opportunity rather than an encumbrance for students.

“No Wi-Fi and no phones? Oh no! God forbid these kids will be forced to read a book or go outside. Back when I went to university, that was the standard. Frankly, it should have stayed that way. Plus, Mr. Ford’s cuts will also jeopardize the livelihood of clubs which ensure the security and prosperity of minority groups on campus, returning us to the greatest year in human history: 1965.”

The Boundary encourages all readers to stock up on candles, carry a flashlight, and remain calm when the next blackout does inevitably occur.


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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper