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Caffiends Under Fire Following Highly Controversial Super Bowl Ad

Victoria College’s favorite coffee spot is in hot water following a “bewilderingly tone-deaf” ad aired during Sunday’s Super Bowl.


“At first, I was just confused,” said Economics Specialist Jasmine Kohn, who witnessed the commercial at a gameday watch-party.


“Before the ad started, some Chiefs fan sitting next to me was trying to explain why his headdress wasn’t problematic. Then all of a sudden, I see a beanie and a slice of flourless chocolate cake come on the TV. [...] I didn’t think anything could be worse than that GEICO commercial where Tom Brady kissed his son for, like, thirty seconds, but Jesus Christ. Caffiends should be ashamed of themselves,” Kohn said.


Kevin Lawson, a Political Science Major, was similarly inclined. “My buds Schmidty and P.J. popped out for a dart at half time, so I was alone in front of the TV when it happened. It’s too bad, I don’t think I’ll be able to look at savoury scones or wire-rimmed glasses the same ever again,” Lawson said.


Although no reliable recordings of the ad had been located at publication time, The Boundary did obtain an excerpt from an early draft of the script, thanks to sympathetic sources at the top of Caffiends’ power structure.


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