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  • Mauricio Gerdes

Campus Police Locates Stockpile of Stolen Goods

The University of Toronto campus police force prides itself on its ability to keep you and your peers safe within the perilous streets of downtown Toronto. Whether it be taking an extraordinary long amount of time to catch a washroom voyeur or failing to find the thief who broke into my locker at the Athletic Center, campus safety is an integral part of the university’s mission. This past week, however, the campus police came across an unusual find: a stockpile of stolen goods in Toronto’s landmark museum.

The Boundary was fortunate enough to interview Deputy Woodint during their initial investigation. “It seems like the culprit has been hoarding valuable cultural artifacts from all over the world,” stated the deputy. When asked how something like this could have happened, he replied that “the cultural inheritance that imperialist countries plunder from their victims functions to reinforce a Eurocentric worldview in which predominately White nations place themselves atop a self-created world hegemony, so something like this was bound to happen eventually.” Whatever that means.

The Royal Museum of Ontario has not yet responded to a request for comments, but The Boundary heard from an anonymous source that the museum is likely to stand strong on their position of “finders keepers, losers weepers.”



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