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  • Madeleine Beckett

Developers List Modern Minimalist Apartments at $1.2K/Month



Police have recently charged wanted criminal Khaleel Seivwright for building shelters for the homeless—a dangerous offence threatening Toronto’s real estate market. Luckily, this heinous crime contained a profitable silver-lining. Housing developer Hans Overstreet jumped at the opportunity to flip the humble shelters designed to help the homeless into chic studio apartments, starting at a modest $1,200/month.

“Why let such prime real estate go to waste?” Overstreet said. “These cozy dwellings are around the same size of a grown person in fetal position, not to mention, they’ve got a great view of some high-rise dumpsters and they’re within walking distance to Toronto’s third best aquarium."

One shelter was previously inhabited by Joanne Gordon, a 64-year-old woman who was highly susceptible not only to a deadly virus, but also to deadly weather. She said without this small structure, she wouldn’t have survived the harsh winter. But luckily, now that Gordon’s back on the street, young couple Jaxaxkson and Brittanalynn will be moving in shortly and they’ll finally have an opportunity to kickstart their unique, million dollar idea: an organic coffee business!

“It’s incredibly fulfilling to help clean up the city of crime and life-saving shelters,” Overstreet declared proudly. When asked about the upcoming trial on the shelters, Overstreet added, “I’m especially glad justice is being served, and I hope every ‘good samaritan’ gets what they have coming.”

In other news, police are searching for an equally dangerous criminal: The Puppy Cuddler. The wanted animal-lover is roaming the streets rescuing stray dogs and feeding them treats for free, making them a major threat to puppy-haters and the dog food business as a whole. Contact Toronto police with any leads or tips.


Photo Credit: CBC


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