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  • Jonah Wineberg

Early Trick-Or-Treater Has a Lot to Say About Jehovah



With Halloween just around the corner, many are eager to get into their long-awaited costumes. Some, however, can’t seem to stand the wait. Life science student Don Martin has been getting frequent visits from a premature trick-or-treater with a seemingly divine enthusiasm for Jehovah. “Someone needs to get this guy a calendar,” scoffs Martin. “I keep trying to tell this guy, ‘Look, I don’t know who this Jehovah character you keep spouting about is and I don’t want to roleplay with you, wait until the 31st like everyone else,’ but he keeps coming back.” Martin has tried to get him to leave by just handing over his candy, but the untimely doorknocker has repeatedly refused, insisting that his only concern is the salvation of the young man’s soul.


“I’m still struggling to figure out his costume,” reported Martin. “I’m thinking either an IT guy or Young Sheldon.” When he tried to ask the visitor about his Halloween plans, he was met with a stern face, aggressive finger wagging, and a scolding about the machinations of the Satan.


On his last visit, the trick-or-treater left Martin with a book. “I’m not gonna lie, his fan fiction isn’t bad, it’s a pretty compelling read.” Martin reports that he plans to attend conventions for this “Jehovah” character in the near future and, if time remains before the end of days, hopes to join the fandom.


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