Econ Major Still Waiting For Daddy’s Love to Trickle Down
For students who failed to pursue a program that would eventually lead to medical school, majoring in economics is a great alternative route to winning daddy’s love. Taking a program steeped in the great works of Reaganomics and Thatcherism and guaranteed to overprescribe individualized solutions to systemic problems was advertised as a surefire way to impress dad. But, much to many students' dismay, daddy’s love has yet to trickle down.
“I jus- I just don’t understand,” said third-year Econ major Megan Bhatt, “I thought that my dad’s love would eventually trickle down to me, but I have yet to feel anything. He keeps buying mega yachts and investing overseas, so I know he’s loving life right now, but, weirdly, the level of love I’m feeling has remained stagnant. That's not what theory suggests.” Bhatt's relationship with her father quickly strained after she entered university and started believing in mental health. Since then, her enrollment in the art of wealth hoarding program is the only thing keeping their relationship afloat. Heartbroken, Bhatt expressed deep dissatisfaction with the situation: how could supply-side economics ever fail her?
The Boundary contacted Bhatt’s economics professor, Dr. Gash, to comment on the situation. “As we know, poverty is a choice. So, the poverty of love Megan is experiencing should have been alleviated with her decision to pursue economics,” Gash claimed. “If we want to be scientific, the lack of love she’s experiencing could technically be a good trend for the economy. If people aren’t loved, they’ll probably die younger, and corporations could save billions on pensions!”
After all, how is it possible that poverty could be a policy problem? There’s simply no way it has to do with rising housing costs, low wage increases, or the itty bitty social safety net. In the famous words of the father of North America and sex icon Ronald Reagan, “Poverty isn’t caused by a capitalist market system that works because of labour exploitation and environmental destruction, it’s just a thing that happens when these young people do drugs or become laaaaazy. Fuck wealth taxes, tenant rights, and a society that can save those most vulnerable—who needs it when you have trickle-down economics!”