Engineering Student Too Locked In at Gerstein

With midterm season in full swing, many students are looking for a study space around campus, and Gerstein Science and Information Centre is a popular choice for extended work periods. Unfortunately, its reading room and too-comfortable window seats can make it difficult to keep track of the time. While some can get out of the Gerstein Library before it locks up for the night, others are not so lucky. 

Jayla Bird, a twenty-year-old chemical engineering student, has been reported missing after a lock-in session at Gerstein Library while cramming for a thermodynamics midterm worth 30% of her final grade. “This was inevitable,” said her close friend Dahlia Cooper. “She has been so locked in lately that I’m pretty sure she actually got locked in. I haven’t seen her in nearly eighty hours–it’s getting concerning.” 

The engineering department has since issued a missing persons report for Bird, accompanied by a warning to students that, while engineering is hard, escaping Gerstein is harder. When asked for a statement regarding the disappearance of the young woman in STEM, Gerstein staff appeared largely indifferent to the concerns voiced by Bird’s loved ones regarding her whereabouts. “We close at eleven on weekdays and ten on weekends–beyond that, risk is assumed by the student. If she’s still in there, she can probably shake the vending machines or something. Maybe a bag of stale Fritos will sustain her.”

At press time, Jayla Bird’s whereabouts are still unknown. The engineering department has issued a $15 Caffiends gift card as a reward for any leads regarding her location.