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Ex-Friends Battle Over Joint-Custody of Textbook


Every year, $300 textbooks and suggested (yet costly) reading materials put immense financial strain on students’ low budgets. As such, many students find themselves resorting to poorly-photocopied PDFs of readings and “totally legal” online textbooks torrented from Serbian websites.

These unfortunate circumstances have not deterred second-year history students Derrick Falkenheim and Max Khan, though. The two of them naively spent $40 each on a single copy of Major Problems in American History: Volume I at the start of the semester.


“I get the book on weekdays and he gets it on weekends,” said Khan. “If he tries to lay a finger on it during my time with it, I’ll raise hell. And so will my lawyers.”


The decision proved to be short-sighted, however. Falling behind on readings at an irreparable pace, both students swore the day they decided to enter the tumultuous marriage. With stress levels at a fever-pitch, the two began physically fighting over the textbook, ripping out a few pages in the process. Friends who were concerned for the textbook’s well-being decided to intervene and took possession of it, reassuring the textbook that the two owners were “just having a conversation.” 


“I will not rest until I see my beloved returned to me,” said Falkenheim, sobbing. “I know Max, and as good of a friend he may be, he sure as hell doesn’t know how to use a textbook.”


The two are set to appear in court to hammer out an agreement regarding the textbook. In the meantime, they will have to rely on the charity of gracious friends for exam preparation.


Photo Credit: Patrick Fraser

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper