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First Housemate to Return Debilitated by Multiple Fridgeborne Diseases


Paramedics say fourth-year Tom Finkelstein was rushed to hospital late Sunday night after contracting a near-lethal bug from the host of nasty, overdue, decaying foodstuffs waiting for him in his communal fridge.


Finkelstein came back early from Halifax to work in the days leading up to New Year's.


Friends and family told The Boundary that Finkelstein had been wary - even while on holidays - of what the Fridge had in store for him when he got back.


Patrick Finkelstein, one of Tom's siblings, reported that he had heard Tom through a wall wailing in his sleep "on multiple occasions."


"He kept screaming about the perils of the 'Enjoy Tonight' deals - and how he would ultimately 'pay the full price' for his housemates' cheapness," a scarred Patrick told The Boundary on Monday morning.


Daniel Finkelstein, another sibling, validated these claims.


"Tom told us through bleary eyes on Christmas morning that all he could smell was month-old 'garlic sauce' and greying roast chicken, that, for the life of him, he couldn't smell the pine, the cinnamon, the eggnog... It was really getting to him," Daniel said.


There is no definitive word yet on Tom's condition, although paramedic sources - who wished to remain anonymous due to the sensitivity of the matter - report that he was drifting "in and out of coma" on Monday evening.




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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper