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  • Natalie Cader-Beutel and Madeleine Beckett

Friend Dating Herself Right Now Clearly Taking Things Too Far


Since her most recent breakup from her summer camp boyfriend about six years ago, Alex Behzadi has been in a committed relationship with someone she just simply can’t live without: herself. This Valentine’s Day, she plans on surprising her better half with a tall glass of wine and an intimate, over-the-shoulder back massage.


Alex says she’s perfectly happy in her relationship: “I’m so lucky to have found someone who understands me as much as I do. It’s like we’re the same person. We even finish each other’s… sentences!”


However, her roommates Jenn and Fanny are starting to worry about their friend getting too attached to her lover.


“Self-love is definitely important, yeah, but this seems different. In the past two weeks, I’ve caught her kissing the hall mirror twice, and sending herself flowers thrice,” Jenn says. “I guess it wouldn’t be such a big problem, but she hasn’t cleaned off the lipstick kisses from the glass, and her flower money is supposed to go towards our billion-dollar Yorkville rent.”


Alex’s other roommate, Fanny, says the relationship isn’t just weird, it’s unhealthy: “I mean, Alex never lets herself hang out with other people and freaks out when she brings up her ex from Grade 8. It seems like a really controlling relationship to me,” she says.


Despite her friends’ worries, Alex is just pleased to be with someone she loves. When asked for comment, Alex couldn’t help but thank the matchmakers who introduced her to her significant other:


“Mom, dad, thank you for setting me up with someone who really gets me, inside and out. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.”


Photo Credit: Boundary Staff

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