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  • Natalie Cader-Beutel

Help! I’ve Been Following Robarts’ Directional Arrows for Four Hours!


What was once a welcoming and peaceful haven for students to study in has been converted into an impenetrable hell-hole straight out of a del Toro movie. The culprit? One-way arrows on every floor tile. 


“I was trying to find my way out,” said third-year student Julian Elmore, shakily reaching for a cup of water. “I ended up having a nervous breakdown after hour two.”


Elmore, who was studying on the fourth floor all day Monday, had no problem getting in. But once he finished his productive Bb Collaborate session, he quickly realized he was trapped. “I saw the escalator...but the arrows weren’t pointing there,” he said, sobbing. “Why weren’t they pointing there? Why???”


After a twelve hour search, a rescue crew managed to find Elmore and bring him back to the outside world. 


Even the Robarts Starbucks baristas are noticing the effects of the directional arrows. 


 “I saw a first-year student’s face light up when she smelled the pumpkin spice coming from the food court. She walked up to the Starbucks lineup and I gave her a Tall PSL, but I haven’t seen her since,” said Thomas Fischer, a barista since 2018. “Legend is she’s stuck between two arrows that point at each other in the revolving doors.”


To anyone who is struggling with the one-way maze, know you’re not alone. Also, please send some food and waterwe’ve been stuck for four days now.


Photo Credit: Emilio Ortelli

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