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  • Nona Jalali

More Construction? 23-Ton Piece of Rocket Projected to Land in King's College Circle

If you’re hoping for some sun, you’ll have to wait a little longer as forecasts project a mix of light rain and heavy rocket debris. Huh?

You read that correctly. This weekend it is estimated that the core booster of rocket Long March 5B will drop out of the sky. Uncontrollably tumbling down to Earth like an overconfident first-year’s GPA, the landing spot of the rocket has been the subject of much discussion among experts. But after weeks of calculations, scientists are now predicting that the metal mass will end up in a particularly inconvenient location for many UofT students: King’s College Circle.

Already under construction, the Circle will remain off-limits, enraging students, staff, and intramural Quidditch stars alike. Adding a rocket crash to the mix is expected to delay the renovation project's completion by anywhere between 11 and 35 years.

“I could take walking around the Circle for one year,” says student Tara Malik, “but now the school says they need more time to ‘dig out a combustible rocket part’ from the ground? Yeah right, and they supposedly shut down Queen’s Park to deal with the feral squirrel infestation. Excuses, excuses.”

With the rocket problem in mind, UofT is aiming to complete the King’s College Circle construction by August 28th, 2049. More updates to come in the following decades, provided The Boundary has not already broken up amidst in-fighting and contentious solo projects.

Photo Credit: University of Toronto; Nona Jalali



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