This St. Patrick’s Day, one lonesome Scotsman decided to try his flirty luck by dressing up for the Irish holiday. Finley MacEwan showed up bright and early at Robarts sporting the infamous and definitely not sexually coercive “Kiss Me I’m Irish” T-shirt in a sad attempt to get some much-needed attention. The student even brought an overflowing pint of Guinness with him to the library, leaving a trail of chocolate-coloured beer everywhere he went. But, to his dismay, everyone saw through his pitiful impersonation attempt.
As he stepped off the escalator to the fourth floor, MacEwan immediately received disapproving looks followed by a non-sexy scolding from Celtic Studies major Saoirse O’Sullivan, who told him that his sorry imitation was entirely desperate. O’Sullivan then proceeded to text all her friends about the Scottish phony and banned him from attending any future Irish Student Union meetings.
MacEwan claims that he meant no harm — he was only trying to get into the St. Paddy’s Day spirit and possibly, Gertler willing, attract the attention of a sweet, studious Irish lass. Though, he admits that it may have been a mistake to pair the clover-coloured shirt with his favourite kilt and bagpipes: “Aye, that’s what must've given me away.”
On the walk of shame back to his apartment, MacEwan was subject to three more frowns, four Irish curse words he couldn’t appreciate, and two retracted invitations to St. Patrick’s Day Zoom parties that were surely going to be just as fun as going to an actual bar.
Even though his day didn’t go as planned, Finley says that he experienced the most social interaction he’s had in years. “I guess I am lucky after all,” he declared.
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