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  • Jonah Wineberg

“Nothing Beats a Pumpkin Spice Latte” Girl Discovers Crack

Fall is finally here, which means all the classic seasonal drinks are back. Ashley Taylor, however, has turned over a new leaf and has found a treat even more satisfying than a pumpkin spice latte: crack cocaine.

“Crack is so amazing,” reported Taylor to The Boundary. “I can’t believe this stuff hasn’t gone viral sooner.” Taylor has worked smoking or having a “light roast” of the delectable rock into her morning schedule, citing it as the perfect pick-me-up for a busy day. Since switching to crack, her productivity in finding more crack has increased dramatically.

“Crack is definitely my favourite new trend, I literally can’t stop having it,” said Bailey Kruger, another fall enthusiast. Crack fans are purchasing personalized pipes to match their fall aesthetics, buying them in chic colours like “autumn orange” and “back alley brown.” Kruger recommends the life hack of sprinkling pumpkin spice into your next hit to capture the spirit of the season.

Crack is soaring in popularity with students looking for a new alternative to coffee, becoming the hottest fad since TikTok discovered the subway. It acts as a quick, invigorating, and still somehow less expensive alternative to Starbucks.



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