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Obsessively Googling ‘covid symptoms’ Added to List of COVID-19 Symptoms


Ontario Health is telling you what you already knew deep, deep down. 


In a statement late Thursday night, the provincial health superagency said that if Ontarians couldn’t stop themselves from constantly Googling “covid symptoms mild,” “covid symptoms weird?” or something of equivalent agitation that they should probably just assume they have COVID-19. 


“Ok, sure, you have it,” the official statement reads. “Do you have peace of mind now? Is this what you wanted? Get a grip, people.” 


On Friday outside of Robarts Library, pale but confident international relations specialist Larry Braverman told The Boundary that, yes, upon reflection, he had searched ‘covid symptoms’ on his phone more than 25 times that morning alone. 


“The thing is, I don’t even have any symptoms. At least… I didn’t 10 minutes ag-,” Braverman said before patting himself down and whipping out his phone in a wild-eyed frenzy. 


“Sorry about that,” Braverman said half a minute later, exhaling sharply with relief, laughing a little too hard, and staring The Boundary’s masked correspondent in the eyes. 


“I gotta go,” he said, turning away and winking. “I guess I’m positive now. Stay safe; wear a mask, sanitize, stay six feet apart, and avoid large crowds indoors.”


Photo Credit: Adam A. Lam

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper