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  • Jonah Wineberg

Prof Implements Innovative New Strategy To Retain Students' Attention



Having grown tired of lecturing to slack-jawed and uninterested students over the course of her career, Sociology Professor Judy Lubovitz has developed a new technique to sharpen her students’ focus. In her SOC102 lecture yesterday, Lubovitz debuted the innovative new strategy: projecting Subway Surfers gameplay alongside her content slides.


“Lecture slides just don’t cut it anymore,” Professor Lubovitz reports. “If I don’t project Subway Surfers, they’ll be watching it on their phones anyway. It's better to overstimulate the students ourselves than to have them do it on their own, unsupervised.”


Since its application, Lubovitz notes that attention in her classroom has gone up by 48%. By the end of the lecture, over a third of the class could name how many coins the public transit con had collected. Fewer could define Conflict Theory.


Despite the changes, some students indicate that these measures are not enough. Many have suggested the implementation of random sound effects throughout the lecture, while others would prefer a third split screen playing a Family Guy episode.

Next, we report on a shocking new statistic that 90% of readers do not make it to the end of this article without an automated reddit voice.


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