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Robarts Puts Out Bowl of Adderall for Trick-or-Treaters

Online midterms? Assignments with fast-approaching due dates? Nearing the end of October? That’s right, all signs are pointing to the fact that it’s Halloween at UofT. Despite the horrors of the mounting schoolwork that you should probably consider starting and tacky frat group costumes, the kind turkey-loving folks over at John P. Robarts Research Library tell The Boundary that they have “something fun” in store for all students this Halloween: Adderall.


An insider from Robarts said that they are planning to leave out a bowl of hearty Adderall for all students taking part in the long-standing tradition of trick-or-treating in the stacks. While employees are too busy rigorously examining T-Cards to hand out the treats themselves, they hope students will follow the instructions to only take one, regardless of their addiction level or prescribed dosage.


Most students are astounded at the university’s generosity, one of them being first-year Howard Deland: “I have an essay due at midnight and this was just the pick me up I needed! Thanks for caring, U of T!”


Others were more jaded, like third year Riley Stewart. “My friend at Queen’s said they got cans of Mountain Dew and full-size Caramilk bars,” she scoffed. “Next year I’m only going to trick-or-treat at more sophisticated schools like York or George Brown.”


Photo Credit: Emilio Ortelli

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper