Sid Smith Therapy Dog Put Down

TORONTO - The President’s Office at the University of Toronto released a statement late Sunday announcing the death of Fluffy the therapy dog. The long-serving and much-loved golden retriever was put down as a cost-cutting measure, the statement read. Off-the-record comments reported by an anonymous source told The Boundary that Meric Gertler was “shocked” to hear the university spent $78.43 per month on kibble alone for the canine. “That’s too much, far too much,” Gertler is reported to have said in a fifteen-minute tirade.

“We are deeply saddened to report the passing of Fluffy, who served the UofT community with grace, compassion, and dedication over many dog-years,” the statement read. Sid Smith therapy dogs are a key part of exam season at the university. They help students destress and relax during a hectic, chaotic final sprint to the year’s end.

Leaked documents obtained by The Boundary revealed that the dog was two months away from getting tenure.