Student Conveniently "Hit By Bus" On Way to Exam
Is your professor cramming an excessive amount of material into your final lecture? Is your UofT email being bombarded by course evaluations just as you are physically and mentally incapable of completing them? If so, you’ve arrived at the most wonderful time of the year: exam season. With finals in full swing, students everywhere have realized how much of their life’s worth relies on completing a test worth 50% of their mark. While some students have opted for pulling all-nighters at Robarts and others have resorted to reading entire textbooks front to back, the luck of God has graced one fortunate student. Just twenty minutes before his MAT354 exam, student Paul Hartgrove was conveniently hit by a bus just outside the exam centre.
While his Snapchat friends are sympathetic to the accident, albeit jealous he isn’t writing the final, UofT is finding the timing of Hartgrove’s “excuse” to be a little too convenient. "Yeah right, hit by bus. Millionth time I've heard that one." Scoffed department head Arnold Wersterberger, "Tell that kid there's only one hour left in the exam, so he better get over here fast if he doesn't want to fail."
Though Paul’s accident may have resulted in intense bodily harm, UofT applauds his willingness to “persevere” and “defy gravity”. After all, why care about students’ well-being when there’s a chance UofT could rank 18th in the world for a fifth straight year?