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Student's Day Ruined After Making Eye Contact with Sid Smith Bake Sale Volunteer

It was just last week that undergraduate hopeful Elliot Jones, bright-eyed and optimistic, stopped at Sidney Smith Hall to attend one of his first winter term lectures. The sun was bright and the crisp winter air lifted his morning fatigue. The day was ripe for the picking.

Or so it seemed, until Elliot opened the entrance doors and was faced with the burgeoning Sid Smith bazaar.


Known for its enthralling atmosphere and 500% markups, the market has long provided opportunities for students to channel their primal capitalist instincts and use high-pressure sales tactics on the weaker-willed prospects.


After two confident strides, Elliot made the fatal mistake of establishing eye contact with a vendor selling brownies to fundraise the junior intramural archery squad’s upcoming contest in the Russian Far East.


The tense gaze lasted an excruciating four seconds while Elliot stood like a deer in the headlights.


Gravity seized Elliot, his body pressed to excruciating extents in that moment when his body froze from guilt, shock and embarrassment. It's the feeling all students dread.

He slowly mouthed the words, “please no,” three seconds into the exchange, but the plea failed to break the soft and needy eyes of the slim, steely-eyed archer running the stand.


Elliot produced his limp wallet, took out what he had, and threw it on the stained, wobbly table. A brownie to go was all he got - and the deep, intrusive feeling of being swindled by a dumb-looking archer.

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper