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UofT: Outdoor Exam Centre "Sounded Like Good Idea In Theory"


In a last-ditch attempt to let nostalgic students relive their worst nightmares at UofT, the Faculty of Arts and Science has answered absolutely nobody’s prayers for an Outdoor Exam Centre. The state-of-the-art failing space was made in order to follow COVID-19 protocols and allow first year students to experience pre-exam small talk about how they “can always just transfer to York.” However, while the school is patting themselves on the back, those who were the first to get absolutely dicked by an exam outdoors found the concept to be “shitty” in theory but “really shitty” in practice.


While the idea of an Outdoor Exam Centre seemed to be fool-proof when it was conceived, the recent decision is leaving some students scratching their heads and reaching for the nearest dog feces to use as a paperweight. “I just think that hundreds of scantron sheets tornadoing around my face and five simultaneous wedding photoshoots blinding me might not be my ideal exam environment,” said fourth year Andrew Murphy, whose recent exam will determine if he is accepted into med school. “Maybe I’m just a visual learner, I don’t know.”


If you’re a UofT student who finds the indoors to be uncomfortable enough already, the Outdoor Exam Centre appears to be bad news. On the other hand, it’s amazing news if you’re a Toronto tourist who wants that perfect shot of some local undergrads reconsidering every decision they’ve made up to that point in their lives.


Many already-stressed students have grown frustrated –– especially those whose exams were soiled by this week’s four-hour torrential downpour. In response to the controversy, UofT has released a statement reassuring irritated students that they are currently working 24/7 on ways that they can profit from this.


Photo credit: Kayley Edwards


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