UofT to Divest From Fossil Fuels by Time We All Dead
With climate activists no longer enjoying the climate change-induced warm weather, UofT President Meric Gertler has realized that he must get real about sustainability measures––before extremist groups like Greenpeace and students with clipboards come for his head.
In a statement this week, Gertler announced that UofT will divest from all fossil fuels to create a climate positive campus. Little do all the UofT stans reposting his announcement know, this divestment will only be carried out by 2030, or better known as, the time we’re all dead.
Experts have warned that vast swaths of the planet will be inhospitable to humans in five to 10 years, but in the words of Gertler: “These catastrophic issues can probably wait another nine years.” After all, without all of UofT’s fossil fuel investments, where will we go to learn neo-liberal ideas about sustainability? And what would The Boundary complain about?
Taking after Canadian Prime Minister and Tofino-enjoyer Justin Trudeau, Gertler has managed to both address and dismiss climate change in one swift motion. On the bright side, should divestment indeed take the full nine years and duration of our lives, students need no longer worry about paying back student loans or entering a dried up job market. After all, it doesn’t matter that your undergrad degree doesn’t set you up for a future, if there’s no future!
Photo Credit: Nona Jalali