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Varsity Blues Football Players Optimistic They Won’t Have to Play Football


Photo from The Varsity

Though the fate of professional sports seasons remains uncertain due to COVID-19, the football players of U of T’s own Varsity Blues are assuring fans they are still very optimistic that they will in fact not have to play any organized football during the fall.


The Varsity Blues Nation is reportedly going wild celebrating a potentially lossless season for UofT’s only organized football team--a first for the school.


The entirety of the coaching staff has also adopted the same “keg half full” attitude, hoping that COVID-19 concerns will prevent the several guaranteed losses. 


“UofT students are already going through a lot right now, the last thing we need is to be subjected to another lackluster, morale-lowering season,” said left tackle and second year Sigma Chi Adam Lyles. 


The Varsity Blues has also released a team-issued statement to the press:


Don’t worry, this season will be one for the books. We’ll still be rocking our Varsity backpacks in case you want to congratulate us on zero losses. These are times of uncertainty and we are willing to do whatever it takes to keep U of T’s school spirit alive. As long as what it is, isn’t winning football games.



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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper