Virtual Frosh Promises Cute Icebreakers, Blacking Out on Frat Floor
A leaked internal memo from the University of Toronto revealed sweeping new changes to Frosh Week for September 2020 in the wake of COVID-19. Frosh Week will be moved online, ensuring that incoming freshmen will still have an authentic orientation experience in spite of the limitations imposed by social distancing. The proposed virtual Frosh will offer “icebreakers, social gatherings, and more” on video streaming platforms.
The virtual Frosh will also feature a frat party, complete with overplayed rap hits, watered down PBR, and suspiciously young-looking partygoers who will be sure to keep you on your toes. To top it off, students will have the opportunity to experience the “U of T classic”: kicking back three shots of Jager and shotgunning four Bud Lights before completely blacking out on the floor of Sigma Chi and getting kicked out by a brother for yakking all over his Vans. However, the memo does not address how the university intends to handle when students go “man down.”
“The university is not responsible if students black out. You took five shots of Smirnoff, followed it up with Fireball, and used water as chase. That’s not nearly the grossest mix of the evening, yet you’re hunched over the stained toilet bowl like a little bitch. Get it together, Jessica,” said a Frosh planning committee member, who wishes to remain anonymous.
Only time will tell if the new, virtual Frosh will provide a comparable experience to the real thing. Regardless, the University of Toronto is clearly committed to making its new students feel welcome.
Photo Credit: Daniel Fraser