Harris finished off her first year with a stellar 1.95 GPA, almost three complete credits, and a harmful amount of unwarranted confidence.

Ford admitted that the method acting behind his emotional performance was inspired by his own constituents’ tears throughout his leadership.

Hoffman went on to explain that he prefers a more cerebral brand of virus as opposed to “this Michael Bay blockbuster they call a pandemic."

That’s right. Barnes’ cozy one-bedroom, one-combined-kitchen-bathroom apartment is next to THAT Ripley’s Aquarium.

"First years will love the frat experience: big house, big fun, big connections, and the best part, free vaccines for everyone!"

Many already-stressed students have grown frustrated––especially those whose exams were soiled by this week’s four-hour torrential downpour.